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Priest (M.C. Gainey): "You couldn't hit your own ball bag with your own wrinkled cock."

Johann von Wolfhaus (Donald Sutherland): "Hello, all. If you are watching this, then I have croaked"

Johann von Wolfhaus: "Say goodnight, Popo. Goodnight, Popo."

Aussie Sailor #1 (Owain Yeoman): "What do you think mate?"
Aussie Sailor #2 (Tom Tate): "I think we should bleepin' brain'em! "

Door Bouncer: "The password!"
Mr. Schniedelwichsen (Bjorn Johnson): "(He yodels and then the bouncer lets them in) Danka, abin zettler."

Pim Scutney (Aaron Hendry): "I'd bugger her for a game of soldiers, huh?"

Jan Wolfhouse (Paul Soter): "And what is this?"
Pim Scutney: "Beerfest, innit!"
Todd Wolfhouse (Erik Stolhanske): "Is this part of Oktoberfest?"
Pim Scutney: "Oktoberfest is for tossers and sheep-shaggers. Beerfest is our lives. The ultimate test of a beer-gamer's mettle!"

Todd: "Why are you taking him away? Where is he going?"
Jan: "We kind of need to stick close. (They hear two distant gun shots)"
Todd: "Whoa."
Otto (Will Forte): "He is of no concern to you."

Gunter (Eric Christian Olsen): "He perfected the von Wolfhausen beer recipe."
Otto: "It was the greatest beer in all the world."

Otto: "He stole our recipe und fled Germany with his mother, a common Bavarian... huh-- What's the english word I'm looking for? --Whore!"
Todd: "Gam Gam a whore? Obviously there's a translation problem here."
Otto: "Hooker! Prostitute! Slut for money!"
Todd: "Well, now you're crossing the line."
Gunter: "No, you are crossing the line! He stole it!"

Gunter: "He stole it! Und now, instead of having Deutchland's greatest beer, we merely have fourth-best behind Steinamalzen, Rauchtenburger und... und..."
Rolf (Nat Faxon): "Und Becks?"
Gunter: "Und Becks?"
Rolf: "Ja."
Gunter: "Und Becks!"

Rolf: "You are the offspring of the bastard son of some whore!"

Landfill (Kevin Heffernan): "You know, they brew 10,000 bottles of beer a day. I drink 45 off the assembly line, and I'm the asshole."

Landfill: "I did my three years up at the county pen. Made some friends, went Muslim. Now I'm out, praise Allah."

Todd: "I, um, heard that someone died that day."
Landfill: "Yeah, somebody did die that day. Me. I had the greatest job in the world, brewing cold, fresh joy for thousands. Not to mention all the beautiful beer you could drink, right? They took it away from me. Yep, I'd trade all this in, in a heartbeat, if I could get that feeling back again."

Steve 'Fink' Finklestein (Steve Lemme): "Can you move over please?"
Landfill: "I like to sit in the middle."
Fink: "Well, what the hell am I supposed to do?"
Landfill: "You got room. You're little. You wanna sit on this side?"
Fink: "Bleep you."

Fink: "Jan, who are we meeting out here? Jan, who are we meeting out here?"
Jan: "Barry Badrinath."
Todd: "What? No."
Landfill: "Who's Barry Badrinath?"
Jan: "Look, I'm trying to put a team together."
Todd: "Turn this car around right now."
Landfill: "Who's Barry Badrinath?"
Todd: "Don't worry about it, alright?"
Landfill: "Who's Barry Badrinath? Who's Barry Badrinath? Who's Barry Badrinath? Who's Barry Badrinath? Who's Barry Badrinath?"
Fink: "Would you shut the hell up?"
Landfill: "Who's Barry Badrinath?"
Fink: "Would you..."
Landfill: "Who's Barry Badrinath?"
Fink: "Shut up."
Landfill: "Who's Barry Badrinath?"
Fink: "Barry Badrinath was the best beer-gamer ever. Okay? Best at Quarters, at Pong, best at everything. Oy."
Landfill: "We should put him on our team."

Barry Badrinath: "Hey, look, fellas, I wish I could give you a deal here, but my pimp's a real ball ache. You know what I mean? So it's $10 for a BJ, $12 for an HJ, $15 for a ZJ."
Landfill: "What a ZJ?"
Barry: "If you have to ask, big man, you can't afford it."
Fink: "I got $4."

Barry Badrinath: "So it's $10 for a BJ, $12 for an HJ, $15 for a ZJ."
Landfill: "What a ZJ?"
Barry: "If you have to ask, big man, you can't afford it."
Fink: "I got $4."
Jan: "Barry, me didn't come here for a BJ ora ZJ or any kind of a J."
Barry: "Move along then. I' got a mouth to feed."

Fink: "Unbelievable! Wow!"
Todd: "That's incredible."
Barry: "I'm better when I'm drunk."

Fink: "Look at the size of this graduated gylinder: 2000 milliliters!"

Landfill: "A direct-draw beer dispenser. Half-barrel capacity, with an anti-foaming mechanism."

Barry: "About the old girlfriend thing. Can we bury the hatchet, buddy?"
Todd: "I don't know."
Barry: "I mean, it was just a one-night stand, right? Wasn't even that good-looking. Real dead fish, right? I mean she just laid there, taking it like a plastic bleep doll, am I right?"
Todd: "I happen to have married that plastic bleep doll!"
Jan: "Todd, no!"

Barry: "Oh, not again. (He wakes up naked in a field next to a deer carcass with blood all over his face.)"

Great Gam Gam: "They also practice by drinking the urine of a ram."
Todd: "The-- The what?"
Great Gam Gam: "They drink ram's piss."
Fink: "Because of the pH balance?"
Great Gam Gam: "No. Because if you can drink ram's piss, bleep you can drink almost anything."
Fink: "She said bleep."

Great Gam Gam: "If you can drink ram's piss, bleep you can drink almost anything."

Cherry: "Who's drinking piss, honey?"
Great Gam Gam: "No, I was saying it was a tradition back in the old country."
Cherry: "Damn, that's nasty. The old country must have been bleeped up."

Barry: "That's the most disgusting thing I've ever drank."
Landfill: "I doubt that, very much, playbay."

Fink: "(Coughing up a storm) Whoo! That is not bad at all."

Landfill: "It's magical."
Fink: "It's laughing at me."
Barry: "I wish I could brush my teeth with it."
Landfill: "I wanna put my dick in it."
Fink: "I want it to put its dick in me."
Barry: "I wish it were winter, we could make it into ice blocks and skate on it. And then melt it in the springtime and drink it."

Barry: "Lookin' good, you handsome motherbleeper."

Barry: "Whoa-ho-ho. We gotta get you out of those wet clothes and into a dry martini."
Dancing Girl (Anna Lane): "What?"
Barry: "I said, outta martini?"
Dancing Girl: "Get away from me."
Barry: "Alright."

Jan: "Barry, uh, what are you doing?"
Barry: "You kidding me? She's hot as hell. I'm looking fore a little slap and pickle."
Todd: "Are you sure you wanna do this, man? You're drunk."
Barry: "I'm drunk. You're drunk. Everybody's drunk!"

Naomi: "How many licks does it take to get to the center?"

Wolfgang von Wolfhaus (Juergen Prochnow): "We have an old saying in Muchen. Get the bleep out of here."

Gil (Kevin Heffernan): "Looks like we got the Brits in round one. We already kicked their asses in WWII. Cheerio, let's do it again."

Pim Scutney: "You're all fur coat and no trousers, you are."

Rog Gobshire (Michael Yurchak): "We're gonna put the skitters in your Alan Whickers, you plonker!"
Barry: "Do you know what he's saying?"

Pim Scutney: "Come no, big boy! What, are you gonna bleeping cry?!"

Hammacher (Ralf Moeller): "We're gonna wipe our schwanz on you."
Jan: "Bring it on, meine bitch."

Barry: "What do you think about that, bleephead?"

Hammacher: "What do you think about that, headbleep?"

Todd: "Hey, guys, this is that moment. The moment that only exists in sports. The moment where the good guys take on the bad guys. The moment that, if this was a speech in a movie, this would be shown up on tho humongotron to get the home-team fans fired up, huh? Right? Huh, huh? Us versus them!"
All of them: "Yeah."
Todd: "We're the bad guys and they're the good guys. And I'll be damned if we're gonna let the good guys win!"
Barry: "Yeah, we're actually the good guys and they're the bad guys, so..."
Todd: "Right. Let me start that again, guys, huh? Hey, guys..."

Cherry: "Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha. You're bleeped!"

Spectator #1 (Ben Zeller): "Take the bet, you bleeping pussy!"