All wavs on this page were sampled at (8 bit mono 11Khz) and all mp3s on this page were sampled at (80kbs 44Khz).
gottadoporn.wav(31K) gottadoporn.mp3(31K) gottadoporn.m4r(iPhone ringtone)
Kumar Patel (Kal Penn): "Just 'cause you're hung like a moose, doesn't mean you got to do porn."
bansaitree.wav(99K) bansaitree.mp3(99K) bansaitree.m4r(iPhone ringtone)
Harold Lee (John Cho): "What the hell are you doing?"
Kumar: "I'm trimming my pubes."
Harold: "Why aren't you doing this in your room, man?"
Kumar: "The mirror's in here. Hey check it out. It's like a bonsai tree."
marijuanakills.wav(22K) marijuanakills.mp3(22K) marijuanakills.m4r(iPhone ringtone)
Television Commercial: "Marijuana kills."
hunrgryasballs.wav(38K) hunrgryasballs.mp3(38K) hunrgryasballs.m4r(iPhone ringtone)
Harold: "Oh, dude, I don't know about you, but I'm bleepin' hungry as balls."
seeherboobs.wav(61K) seeherboobs.mp3(61K) seeherboobs.m4r(iPhone ringtone)
Rosenberg (Eddie Kaye Thomas): "Katie Holmes is a nice, respectable, wholesome girl. And I'm gonna see her boobs."
vulgarstatement.wav(125K) vulgarstatement.mp3(125K) vulgarstatement.m4r(iPhone ringtone)
Goldstein: "The things that I would eat of her ass, you have no idea!"
Rosenberg: "That is a completely vulgar statement."
Goldstein: "So is 'I want to bang Britney Spears on the bathroom floor.' But it's true."
outofherass.wav(36K) outofherass.mp3(36K) outofherass.m4r(iPhone ringtone)
Goldstein (David Krumholtz): "The things that I would eat of her ass, you have no idea!"
kindacute.wav(50K) kindacute.mp3(50K) kindacute.m4r(iPhone ringtone)
Harold: "God, she invites me to everything."
Kumar: "So what? She's kind of bleepin' cute. Let her touch your penis."
interject.wav(27K) interject.mp3(27K) interject.m4r(iPhone ringtone)
Burger Shack Employee (Anthony Anderson): "Ding dong! May I interject for a second?"
gotowhitecastle.wav(478K) gotowhitecastle.mp3(478K) gotowhitecastle.m4r(iPhone ringtone)
Burger Shack Employee: "As a Burger Shack employee for the past three years, if there's one thing I've learned, it's that if you're craving White Castle, the burgers here just don't cut it. In fact, just thinjing about those tender little White Castle burgers with those little, itty-bitty grilled onions that just explode in your mouth like flavor crystals everytime you bite into one... just makes me want to burn this mothebleeper down. Come on, Pookie, let's burn this motherbleeper down! Come on, Pookie! Let's burn it, Pookie! Let's burn this motherbleeper down! Let's burn it down! Let's burn it! So, uh, you guys maybe should just suck it up and go to White Castle."
letsburnitdown.wav(124K) letsburnitdown.mp3(124K) letsburnitdown.m4r(iPhone ringtone)
Burger Shack Employee: "Come on, Pookie, let's burn this motherbleeper down! Come on, Pookie! Let's burn it, Pookie! Let's burn this motherbleeper down! Let's burn it down! Let's burn it!"
arentrealyestheyare.wav(130K) arentrealyestheyare.mp3(130K) arentrealyestheyare.m4r(iPhone ringtone)
Goldstein: "This is the most bleeping confusing movie I've ever seen-- she's possessed, she's not possessed. Dude, that rack better be stacked. Oh, tits! Tits!"
Rosenberg: "Boobies, boobies, boobies!"
Goldstein: "Holy bleep! Whoa! Those aren's real. Yes they are."
isthisyourbush.wav(534K) isthisyourbush.mp3(534K) isthisyourbush.m4r(iPhone ringtone)
Kumar: "Excuse me, I have to--"
Creepy Guy (Jamie Kennedy): "Huh?"
Kumar: "I have to ask you, Why'd you-- why are you peeing right here?"
Creepy Guy: "What?"
Kumar: "I mean, why'd you pee right next to me when you could choose that bush or..."
Creepy Guy: "This is a good bush to pee on. Why are you peeing on it?"
Kumar: "Well, no one was here when I chose this bush."
Creepy Guy: "Oh. So, you get to pee on it and no one else does? Huh?"
Kumar: "No, I just--"
Creepy Guy: "This your bush? You have a special bond with this bush?"
Kumar: "No, I just thought that--"
Creepy Guy: "You the king of the forest?"
Kumar: "I'm sorry?"
Creepy Guy: "What? Are you a bleepin' tree-hugger? Is this your special bush?!"
Kumar: "Never mind. Forget it. I really don't feel like getting stabbed tonight."
Creepy Guy: "Nice pubes."
mrwizard.wav(35K) mrwizard.mp3(35K) mrwizard.m4r(iPhone ringtone)
Kumar: "Thank you, Mr. Wizard. What crawled up your ass?"
ammunition.wav(30K) ammunition.mp3(30K) ammunition.m4r(iPhone ringtone)
Freakshow (Christopher Meloni): "Praise the Lord and pass the ammunition!"
hijerald.wav(76K) hijerald.mp3(76K) hijerald.m4r(iPhone ringtone)
Kumar: "My name is Kumar."
Freakshow: "How are you, Kunie?"
Kumar: "And this is Harold."
Freakshow: "Hi, Jerald. How are you?"
BLEEPmywife.wav(161K) BLEEPmywife.mp3(161K) BLEEPmywife.m4r(iPhone ringtone)
Freakshow: "If you boys like, you can go on inside, get yourselves something to drink, wash up, bleep my wife, watch TV-- anything you want. Mi casa es su casa. Just don't do anything the Good Lord wouldn't do."
twilightzone.wav(41K) twilightzone.mp3(41K) twilightzone.m4r(iPhone ringtone)
Harold: "Okay, it's official. We've entered the Twilight Zone."
BLEEPmenoworwhat.wav(31K) BLEEPmenoworwhat.mp3(31K) BLEEPmenoworwhat.m4r(iPhone ringtone)
Liane (Malin Akerman): "So, are you boys gonna bleep me now or what?"
trippinballs.wav(140K) trippinballs.mp3(140K) trippinballs.m4r(iPhone ringtone)
Harold: "Neil, you wouldn't happen to know how to get on the highway from here, would you?"
Neil Patrick Harris (Himself): "Dude, I don't even know where the bleep I am right now. I was at this party earlier tonight and some guy hooked me up with this incredible X. The next thing I know, I'm being thrown out of a moving car. I've been tripping balls ever since."
doogiehowser.wav(28K) doogiehowser.mp3(28K) doogiehowser.m4r(iPhone ringtone)
Harold: "Did Doogie Howser just steal my bleeping car?"
urgency.wav(41K) urgency.mp3(41K) urgency.m4r(iPhone ringtone)
Harold: "When are they bleeping going to develop button technology that wil understand urgency?!"
BLEEPwad.wav(19K) BLEEPwad.mp3(19K) BLEEPwad.m4r(iPhone ringtone)
Officer Palumbo (Sandy Jobin-Bevans): "Who the bleep are you, bleepwad?"
justsittinghere.wav(113K) justsittinghere.mp3(113K) justsittinghere.m4r(iPhone ringtone)
Nathaniel Banks (Gary Archibald): "I was in bed. I didn't fire any gun. I swear."
Officer Palumbo: "Hey, Jackson's trying to escape!"
Tarik (Gary Anthony Williams): "What are you talking about? I'm just sitting here."
Officer Martone (Brad Borbridge): "He's trying to break free! Get him!"
hesgotagun.wav(78K) hesgotagun.mp3(78K) hesgotagun.m4r(iPhone ringtone)
Officer Martone: "Stop resisting! We need back up now! He's got a gun!"
Tarik: "That's not a gun, that's a book."
Officer Reilly (Frank Spadone): "Secure the book!"
Officer Palumbo: "Book is secure."
coyote.wav(104K) coyote.mp3(104K) coyote.m4r(iPhone ringtone)
Harold: "What was that?"
Kumar: "Probably just a coyote."
Harold: "Aren't people supposed to be scared of coyotes?"
Kumar: "Naw, that's just 'cause they sound scary, man. In one-on-one combat, either of us could take down a coyote, no problem."
bullets.wav(55K) bullets.mp3(55K) bullets.m4r(iPhone ringtone)
Officer Palumbo: "Bullets, my only weakness. How did you know?"
frickineverywhere.wav(28K) frickineverywhere.mp3(28K) frickineverywhere.m4r(iPhone ringtone)
Kumar: "Jesus, these guys are frickin' everywhere."
thatsextreme.wav(25K) thatsextreme.mp3(25K) thatsextreme.m4r(iPhone ringtone)
Extreme Sports Punk #1 (Dan Bochart): "That's extreme, man!"
comeagain.wav(24K) comeagain.mp3(24K) comeagain.m4r(iPhone ringtone)
Kumar: "Thank you, come again!"
fudgedude.wav(25K) fudgedude.mp3(25K) fudgedude.m4r(iPhone ringtone)
Kumar: "Fudge, dude! Are you kidding me?"
wheresmycar.wav(66K) wheresmycar.mp3(66K) wheresmycar.m4r(iPhone ringtone)
Harold: "Dude, where's my car?"
Kumar: "Where's his car, dude?"
Neil Patrick Harris: "Yeah, sorry about that. I told you last night I was tripping balls."
quickenough.wav(183K) quickenough.mp3(183K) quickenough.m4r(iPhone ringtone)
J.D. (Robert Tinkler): "Hey, Henry, what the hell's going on?"
Harold: "Back off, bleep boy. What I said to him goes double for you."
J.D.: "bleep boy? Did you just call me bleep boy?"
Harold: "Yeah, you know I did. You're just stalling because you're not quick enough to think of a comeback."
J.D.: "You think I'm not quick enough. Guy thinks I'm not quick enough. Well I got news for you. I ame quick enough... bleep boy!"
BLEEPboy.wav(25K) BLEEPboy.mp3(25K) BLEEPboy.m4r(iPhone ringtone)
J.D.: "Hey, Henry, what the hell's going on?"
Harold: "Back off, bleep boy."
touchyourpenis.wav(13K) touchyourpenis.mp3(13K) touchyourpenis.m4r(iPhone ringtone)
Kumar: "She touch your penis?"
nice.wav(42K) nice.mp3(42K) nice.m4r(iPhone ringtone)