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Eric Burdon: ""Sixteen Tons" Written by Merle Travis Performed by Eric Burdon"

Mr. Frank Waturi (Dan Hedaya): "I know he can get the job. But can he do the job? Harry. Yeah, Harry. But can he do the job? I know he can get the job. But can he do the job? I'm not arguing that with you. I'm not arguing that with you. I'm not arguing that with you. I'm not arguing that with you' Harry! Harry, Harry. Yeah, Harry, but can he do the job? I know he can get the job. But can he do the job? I'm not arguing that with you. Harry, I am not arguing that with you! Who said that? I didn't say that. If I said that, I would have been wrong. Maybe. Maybe. I'm not arguing that with you! Yeah, Harry, I know he can get the job. But can he do the job? I'm not arguing that with you! I am not arguing that with you! I am not arguing that with you! Who told you that? No! I told you that! Me! What? Maybe. Maybe, maybe. Maybe!"

Mr. Waturi: "And what's this about a doctor's appointment? You're always going to the doctor!"
Joe Banks (Tom Hanks): "I don't feel good."
Mr. Waturi: "So what? You think I feel good? Nobody feels good. After childhood, it's a fact of life. I feel rotten. So what? I don't let it bother me or interfere with my job."

Mr. Waturi: "And what's this lamp for? Isn't there enough light in here for you?"
Joe: "The florescents affect me. They make me feel blotchy and puffy. I thought this this light would..."
Mr. Waturi: "Get rid of the light. This is not your bedroom, Joe. This is an office. Maybe if you start treating this like a job instead of some kind of a welfare hospital, you'll shape up!"

Mr. Waturi: "And Joe, I want those catalogues."
Joe: "Then, please, order them."
Mr. Waturi: "Watch yourself, Joe. Think about what I just said. You've got to get yourself into a flexible frame or else you are no place."

Mr. Waturi: "And take that light off the desk."
Joe: "I will."
Mr. Waturi: "Do it now."

Dr. Ellison (Robert Stack): "You can depend on at least four or five months of perfect health."
Joe: "Wait, what are you talking about? I don't feel good right now."
Dr. Ellison: "That's the ironic part, really. Mr. Banks, you're a hypochondriac. There's nothing wrong with you that has anything to do with your symptoms. Now my guess is that your experiences in the fire department were extremely traumatic. You experienced the imminent possibility of death several times."
Joe: "Yeah."
Dr. Ellison: "You survived. But the cumulative anxiety of those brushes with death left you habitually fearful about your physical person."
Joe: "I'm not sick except for this terminal disease?"
Dr. Ellison: "Which has no symptoms. That's right. It was only because of your insistence on having so many tests that we happened to discover the problem."

Joe: "Brain cloud! I knew it! Well, I didn't know it, but... I knew it!"

Mr. Waturi: "No! No! You were wrong! He was wrong! Who said that? I didn't say that. If I said that, I would have been wrong. I would have been wrong. Isn't tht right, Harry?"

Mr. Waturi: "Joe, don't touch that! What are you doing?"
Joe: "I'm opening or closing the main drain."
Mr. Waturi: "You shouldn't be touching that, Joe."
Joe: "Nothing happened. You know how long I wondered what would happen if I did that?"
Mr. Waturi: "What's the matter with you?"
Joe: "Brain cloud."
Mr. Waturi: "What?"
Joe: "Oh, never mind."

Joe: "Been wokin' here four and a half years. The work I did I probably could have done in five or six months."

Joe: "This life... Life, what a joke. This situation, this room..."
Mr. Waturi: "Uh, Joe, maybe you should just go."
Joe: "You look terrible, Mr. Waturi. You look like a bag of bleep stuffed in a cheap suit. Not that anyone could look good under these zombie lights. I... I... I... I can feel them sucking the juice out of my eyeballs. Suck! Suck! Suck! Suck! Suck! $300 a week. That's the news. For $300 a week I lived in this sink. This used rubber."
Mr. Waturi: "You watch it, mister. There's a woman here!"
Joe: "Don't you think I know that, Frank? Don't you think I am aware there is a woman here? I can smell her like... like a flower. I can taste her like sugar on my toungue. When I'm 20 feet away, I can hear the fabric of her dress when she moves in her chair. Not that I've done anything about it. I've gone all day everyday not doing, not saying, not taking the chance for $300 a week. And, Frank, the cofee, it stinks. It tastes like arsenic. These lights give me a headache. If they don't give you a headeache, you must be dead! So, let's arrange the funeral."
Mr. Waturi: "You better get outta here. I'm telling you."
Joe: "You're not telling me nothing."
Mr. Waturi: "I'm telling you!"
Joe: "Why, I ask myself, have I put up with you? I can't imagine. But I know. It's fear. Yellow, freaking fear. I've been too chicken-bleep afraid to live my life, so I sold it to you for $300 freaking dollars a week! You are lucky I don't kill you! You're lucky I don't rip your freaking throat out! But I'm not going to! Maybe you're not so lucky at that, because I'm going to leave you here, Mr. Whahoo Waturi. What could be worse than that? DeDe?"
DeDe (Meg Ryan): "Yeah?"
Joe: "How about dinner tonight?"
DeDe: "Yeah, okay."

Samuel Harvey Graynamore (Lloyd Bridges): "You're not dressed."
Joe: "No."
Samuel Harvey Graynamore: "Doesn't bother me if it doesn't bother you."

Samuel Harvey Graynamore: "Uh, not a nice place you have here, Joe. Mind if I call you Joe?"
Joe: "No."
Samuel Harvey Graynamore: "Dingy. Dismal. Shabby. Dinky! Uh, not much."

Marshall (Ossie Davis): "They just pay me to drive the limo, sir. I'm not here to tell you who you are."
Joe: "I didn't ask you to tell me who I am."
Marshall: "You were hinting around about clothes. That happens to be a very important topic to me, sir. Clothes, Mr...."
Joe: "Banks."
Marshall: "Banks. Clothes makes the man. I believe that. You say to me you want to go shopping, you want to buy clothes, but you don't know what kind. You leave that hanging in the air, like I'm going to fill in the blanks. Now that to me is like asking me who you are, and I don't know who you are. I don't want to know. It's taken me all my life to find out who I am, and I'm tired now. You hear what I'm saying?"

Marshall: "And what kind of clothes do you got now?"
Joe: "Well, I got the kind of clothes I'm wearing."
Marshall: "So, you got no clothes."

Luggage Salesman (Barry McGovern): "Have you thought much about luggage, Mr. Banks?"
Joe: "No. I never really have."
Luggage Salesman: "It's the central preoccupation of my life. You travel the world, you're away from home, perhaps away from your family, all you have to depend on is yourself, and your luggage."

Luggage Salesman: "This is our premier steamer trunk. All handmade, only the finest materials. It's even watertight. Tight as a drum. If I had the need and the wherewithal, Mr. Banks, this would be my trunk of choice."
Joe: "I'll take four of 'em."
Luggage Salesman: "May you live to be a thousand years old, sir."

Angelica Graynamore (Meg Ryan): "I'm the doughter of the guy who hired you, Angelica Graynamore."
Joe: "Uh, it's nice to meet you."
Angelica Graynamore: "Nice to meet you. Daddy told me to say I don't know why he hired you, and not to tell me. That I'm totally untrustworthy. I'm a flibbertigibbet."

Angelica Graynamore: "What's the matter?"
Joe: "Nothing."
Angelica Graynamore: "They do look like little monsters or something, but they're good little monsters."

Angelica Graynamore: "So, what'd you do before you signed on with Daddy?"
Joe: "I was an advertising librarian for a medical supply company."
Angelica Graynamore: "Oh, I have no response to that."

Angelica Graynamore: "Would you like to hear one of my poems?"
Joe: "Sure."
Angelica Graynamore: "'Long ago, the delicate tangles of his hair covered the emptiness of my hands.' Would you like to hear it again?"
Joe: "Okay."

Joe: "Aren't you going to say anything?"
Patricia Graynamore (Meg Ryan): "Well, I don't know what to say. You tell me you're dying. You tell me you're juping into a volcano. My mind is a blank."
Joe: "Oh, I can understand that."

Joe: "What exactly is a typhoon?"
Patricia Graynamore: "You know, Joe. I think you're going to find out."

Joe: "("The Cowboy Song" Written by John Patrick Shanley Performed by Tom Hanks.)"

Joe: "Dear God, whose name I do not know, thank you for my life. I forgot how big... Thank you. Thank you for my life."

Waponis Chief (Abe Vigoda): "Tonight we will have a big feast. And then, at the end of that feast, you will climb to the top of the Big Woo and jump in, okay?"
Joe: "Okay."

Joe: "Take me to the volcano!"

Joe: "Is there any ceremony or anything?"
Waponis Chief: "No, you just jump in."

Patricia Graynamore: "Wait! Stop right there! I love you. I've fallen in love with you. I've never loved anybody. I don't know how it happened. I never even slept with him or anything. And now you're going to kill yourself."

Patricia Graynamore: "I love you!"
Joe: "I love you, too! I've never been in love with anyone before, either. It's great. I am glad. But the timing stinks. I got to go."

Waponis Chief: "You want to marry her?"
Joe: "Yes."
Waponis Chief: "You want to marry him?"
Patricia Graynamore: "Yes."
Waponis Chief: "You're married."

Patricia Graynamore: "Joe, nobody knows anything. We'll take this leap and we'll see. We'll jump and we'll see. That's life."

Joe: "I saw the moon when we were out there on the ocean, shining down on everything. I'd been miserble so long. Years of my life wasted. Been a long time coming here to meet you. A long time, on a crooked road. Did I ever tell you the first time I saw you, I felt like I'd seen you before?"

Joe: "Why aren't you dead?"
Patricia Graynamore: "Why aren't you dead?"
Joe: "I don't know?"

Patricia Graynamore: "I mean it's great!"
Joe: "Yeah, that's good. I'm releaved. That's great! I'm saved."

Joe: "I'll tell you one thing, though."
Patricia Graynamore: "What?"
Joe: "Wherever we go, whatever we do..."
Patricia Graynamore: "Yeah."
Joe: "...we're gonna take this luggage with us."