Joey Tribbiani (Matt LeBlanc): "You spent he night in his room? Please tell me she didn't sleep in your bed."
Gina Tribbiani (Drea de Matteo): "I slept on the floor. Don't worry. Not everyone wants to kill their daddy and marry ther mommy like you."
Joey: "That was one drawing I did."

Joey: "What are you doing here?"
Gina: "Well, at two in the morning I realized that Michael didn't have his white noise machine, so I brought it over. He can't sleep without his sounds of the jungle."
Joey: "That's why I dreamed I was being attacked by monkeys."

Gina: "Fine, if it's such a big deal, you can have the stupid key back."
Joey: "That was too easy. You have another one."
Gina: "Oh, good job, Nancy Drew. Here."
Joey: "We can do this all day."

Joey: "Hey, Alex."
Alexis 'Alex' Garrett (Andrea Anders): "Hey."
Joey: "Look at you all dressed for work. You know, I played a lawyer once. Yeah. "I object! No further questions. How can this be a jury of his peers when five of the jurors are androids?""
Alex: "So the movie's in the future?"
Joey: "No, no this was like three years ago."

Joey: "No unsanctioned grills allowed. Please remove your grill from the patio. I can't believe this. How am I supposed to make a hamburger?"
Alex: "Well, you could use a frying pan."
Joey: "Huh, huh, don't. Just don't."

Joey: "You get a lot of notes?"
Alex: "Me? No. But, I don't do anything wrong. I'm kinda a good girl."
Joey: "Oh, I wonder if Mr. Alex would tell me the same thing? Maybe I'll wait a few daws before making sex jokes with you."
Alex: "And maybe don't even do it then."
Joey: "Okay."

Gina: "Michael, your snack is ready!"
Michael Tribbiani (Paulo Costanzo): "In a minute! I'm in the middle of something!"
Gina: "Well, hurry up, I gotta get going!"
Joey: "I'm so glad I moved out here!"

Michael: "We came to New York for this big fawily party. All the girl cousins flocked to you. I know nothing would have happened with them."
Joey: "No, not even once before I knew that was wrong."

Michael: "I guess I just thought that if I lived with you then I'd have a chance to learn a few things. You know?"
Joey: "Ah."
Michael: "What?"
Joey: "That's really sweet. You wanna learn stuff from your uncle."
Michael: "Well, yeah."
Joey: "That's new for me. You know? I've never been the one to teach someone something. I was always the one who... Nope, never learned anything either."

Joey: "Yeah, I remember the first time I went to a bar and hit on girls."
Michael: "Were you my age?"
Joey: "close to it."
Michael: "What like Eighteen?"
Joey: "Eleven."

Joey: "Hey! How was school?"
Michael: "Great. How was... what you do?"
Joey: "For your information, I had a very important audition today."
Michael: "Oh, yeaH, how'd it go?"
Joey: "I don't know, I got lost."

Joey: "'Wet towels cannot be left in the courtyard.' Yeah they can, I did it. 'Underwear is not appropriate hot tub attire.' Why not?"
Michael: "Uh, maybe because when it's wet, it's see-through?"
Joey: "Hey, how 'bout that."
Michael: "Yeah."

Alex: "Hey, I know you were upset about your grill, so I made you list of places around that make good burgers. And also a few of my favorite restaurants."
Joey: "Ah, oh."
Alex: "And there's your pee-pee."

Alex: "Nice to meet you, Michael."
Michael: "Yeah, golly, yeah. Uh, h-h-hi, wow. (They shake hands)"
Alex: "That's clammy."

Michael: "This is wierd."
Joey: "What?"
Michael: "The handwriting on this list looks a lot like the handwriting on the notes from the super. Check it out, it's the same. You know what this means?"
Joey: "Alex and the super had the same handwriting teacher!"
Michael: "Uh, or..."
Joey: "Uh, Alex is the super! Or...! Alex and the super have a secret..."
Michael: "No, no, you had it."
Joey: "Right."

Michael: "(Mockingly) The same handwriting teacher."
Joey: "(Mockingly) Oh golly hi gee wow."

Joey: "It took you forever to get ready."
Michael: "Just like an hour and a half. It usually takes mom, like, two hours."
Joey: "That is because she is a woman, something which you are not."
Michael: "Well, you look really nice."
Joey: "I am also not a woman, we don't do that. But thanks, yea-- Okay let's go!"

Michael: "Check out the name."
Joey: "Niels Bohr?"
Michael: "The famous physicist. He developed th..."
Joey: "No, thanks. Nope."

Gina: "Well, I know you're going out, Michael. You got your shoulder pads on."
Joey: "You're not a woman from the 80s."

Gina: "I happen to be a great wingman. Remember when I hooked you up with cousin Marie?"
Joey: "Yeah, thonks a lot! You know how many hail mary's I had to say for that?"

Michael: "You got her number. That girl was gorgeous."
Joey: "Yeah, yeah. She lives in Long Beach, where's that?"
Michael: "Uh, you take the 10 to the 405 to the 710..."
Joey: "Sorry, Betty, it's not to be."

Michael: "So, how do the girls from LA compare to the girls from New York?"
Joey: "Uh, well, it's a little early and I don't wanna jinx it, but they may be trashier."

Joey: "Alright, the first thing you wanna do is find someone you're attreacted to. Right? You see anyone you like?"
Michael: "Well, the lady bartender is certainly attractive."
Joey: "Oh, good eye, good eye. No chance, no. Bartenders get hit on constantly so there's a very high level of difficulty."
Michael: "Ah."
Joey: "You might want to start with that sorority girl over there whose friends are carrying her to the bathroom."
Michael: "Nah, I don't think so. She's-- she doesn't look very smart."
Joey: "Oh, no. Maybe you won't co-author a book together."

Michael: "You called the bar, why?!"
Gina: "Why, 'cause you shouldn't have been there. I never drank alcohol before I was 21. (Joey laughs and Gina shoots him an angry look)"
Joey: "She's right, yup."

Gina: "Look, I'm sorry. But you have to understand that you abandoning me is my worst nightmare."
Joey: "Huh, then you haven't had my monkey dream."

Gina: "Aren't I a fun mom? Didn't I buy a case of beer for you and your friends on your eighteenth birthday, huh?"
Michael: "Yeah, then you drank it yourself and heckled us while we played Trivial Pursuit."

Gina: "Just gimmie a chance. Let's try it one night. I-I-It'll be an experiment. Like the thing you put in the fridge that Joey ate."
Joey: "Delicious."

Gina: "Plus, I can help you with the women."
Joey: "Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. Okay? I'm actually handling that, alright? I'm kinda his teacher in that area."
Gina: "That must be a pretty involved course: How you doin'? How you doin'? How you doin'?"
Joey: "Well, worked on everyone of your friends."

Joey: "Hey!"
Alex: "Hey."
Joey: "I, uh, got another note from the super."
Alex: "What an idiot, spelled unacceptable with two Cs."
Joey: "That's how you spell unacceptable."
Alex: "Interesting that you'd know that. So how are you? You doin' well?"
Joey: "Yeah, I'm fine."
Alex: "Really, you're not great or say super?!"
Joey: "Alright, Joey, what's up?"
Alex: "I'll tell you what's up. You're little game is over. Okay? You can't fool me! I know you're the super! Or his handwriting teacher!"

Joey: "If-- If you don't admit your the super right now I'm gonna... I'm gonna break this chair."
Alex: "Okay! Alright, fine, I'm the super! (He breaks the chair) Oh!"
Joey: "I am really worked up right now."

Joey: "So, uh, we good?"
Alex: "Yeah, yeah we're good."
Joey: "You wanna give me another note don't you?"
Alex: "It's the last one, I promise."
Joey: "But I didn't-- Oh, yes I did, yup."

Gina: "This is gonna be great, Michael. There are a lot of cute girls here. Ooh, except for her, what a tramp."
Joey: "That's a mirror, Gina."

Joey: "It's important to choose someone at the same level of hotness as yourself. You could go two points either way, but I-- I wouldn't do much more than that. For example, I'm a 9, okay, so I can hit on a 7 or a hypothetical 11. Okay? Another option for me is a 4 and a 5. Okay? Three 3s. And-- and I wouldn't recomend this, nine 1s."

Gina: "You know, I think it would be easier if you sit here and I bring you girls. What do you like, big chest?"

Michael: "You know, I think I'm just gonna o up to the girl and start talking."
Gina: "Okay, just make sure to be nice to her."
Joey: "But not too nice."
Gina: "Compliment her."
Joey: "Ignore her."
Gina: "Compliment her, then ignore her."
Joey: "Yeah."
Michael: "Okay."
Gina: "Make sure you ask her her name."
Joey: "And then call her a different name."
Gina: "And make eye contact."
Joey: "Yeah, but don't stare at her."
Gina: "You wanna seem interested."
Joey: "But completely bored."
Gina: "Just be yourself."
Joey: "No, no, pretend to be someone else."

Joey: "Can I tell you a secret? He's wierd."
Gina: "Can I tell you a secret? I know."
Joey: "He's just so different from us. I mean, can you imagine having trouble with the opposite sex?"
Gina: "The only thing that ever slowed me down was that little bastard."

Joey: "He's so smart. Where's he get that from?"
Gina: "I don't know. I mean, it's like he's some alien sent from another planet to make me feel stupid."
Joey: "Well, I'm here now, okay, so the dummies outnumber the aliens."

Joey: "So, you gonna call her?"
Michael: "I think so."
Gina: "Call her now."
Joey: "No, no, no, wait three days."
Gina: "No, you want her to know you like her."
Joey: "No, play hard to get."
Gina: "Take her to dinner and a movie."
Joey: "Bring her a slice and some porn."
Gina: "Joey, that's disgusting."
Joey: "Worked on all of your friends."

Joey: "I don't know, Michael, I think this stars thing could work."
Michael: "Okay, I'll give it a try sometime."
Joey: "Try it now."
Michael: "Okay, well, um, that's the perseus cluster."
Joey: "Ah."
Michael: "Okay, it's one of the most massive objects in the entire universe. It kinda makes you feel small, doesn't it?"
Joey: "It does, Michael, continue."
Michael: "Well, it's, uh, it's 320 million lightyears away. The universe is so vast and empty... im makes me glad we have each other. (He puts his arm around Joey)"
Joey: "What are you doing? I'm a 9!"