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Lisa: "The revolution will be broadcast."

Bill: "When I was a child, I thought as a child and spoke as a child. When I became a man, I took that child out back and had him shot."

Bill: "There comes a time in every friendship when you have to say, 'I never liked you. Get lost.'"

Dave: "I can't believe the rain hasn't washed you into the gutter with all the other scum."

Joe: "Sexual harrasment is no joke sweet-cans."

Bill: "Is it getting chilly in here or are you wearing an anatomically correct bra?"

Mr. James: "I've got so many lawyers standing in line to see me now you'd think I have tobacco leaking out of my breast implants."

Bill: "Happy trails spaz."

Lisa & Matthew: "You're half naked!" "An optimist would say I'm half dressed."

Joe: "Hot computer coming through!"

Bill: "Then again, another wise man said 'If you can get more money, screw your friends.'"

Mr. James: "You don't drop a pirahna in the kiddie pool and then stick around to watch the bubbles."

Mr. James: "Well, there you have it folks. Another happy ending from the good people at Jimmy James Incorporated."

Mr. James: "Woops."

Joe: "Duct tape was invented a long time before you were born by somebody really smart. The end."

Joe: "Dude, you're the man."

Bill: "You're really enjoying this aren't you, you sick bastard..."

Matthew: "Hi bitch."

Bill: "Do you notice the computer network is still down?"

Matthew: "I have itchy red welts on my buttocks!"

Bill: "Silence if you please!"

Bill: "We don't need your education. We don't need your thought control."

Bill: "Oh I'd been told hell was going to freeze over..."

Dave: "That went better than I could have possibly imagined."

Dave: "What is wrong with you?"