All wavs on this page were sampled at (8 bit mono 11Khz) and all mp3s on this page were sampled at (80kbs 44Khz).

111_alarmclock.wav(38K) 111_alarmclock.mp3(38K)

: "Oh, what a nice alarm clock. Thank you Stan."

111_becomeales.wav(201K) 111_becomeales.mp3(201K)

Cartman: "I've been licking this carpet for 3 hours and I still don't feel like a lesbian."

111_blakh.wav(73K) 111_blakh.mp3(73K)

Wendy: "Wendy shows off her ability to speak Iraqi."

111_box.wav(45K) 111_box.mp3(45K)

Cartman: ""My mom said I all have to do is chow on this box..."

111_buttlord.wav(86K) 111_buttlord.mp3(86K)

Cartman: ""She wasn't looking at you, Buttlord, she was looking at me."

111_buypresents.wav(65K) 111_buypresents.mp3(65K)

Cartman: ""I'm gonna buy her a vaccum cleaner, chicks love vaccum cleaners..."

111_byebye.wav(119K) 111_byebye.mp3(119K)

Wendy: "I told her... don't... bleep... with... Wendy... Testaburger."

111_cartm...wav(123K) 111_cartm...mp3(123K)

Cartman: "Hahahaha - that is so lame!"

111_cartm...wav(60K) 111_cartm...mp3(60K)

Cartman: "Ahhhahahhah!"

111_centerofsun.wav(34K) 111_centerofsun.mp3(34K)

Wendy: "What I'd really like to do is load her into a rocket..."

111_cheer.wav(81K) 111_cheer.mp3(81K)

Principal Victoria: "Mr. Garrison won't be teaching for a while, he has to have surgery."

111_chefsong.wav(no substitute) for you... (340K) 111_chefsong.mp3(no substitute) for you... (340K)

Chef: "No, baby, there's no substitute"

111_chocolatepie.wav(47K) 111_chocolatepie.mp3(47K)

Cartman: "I got Ms. Ellen a chocolate pie, but I... left it at home."

111_contact.wav(232K) 111_contact.mp3(232K)

Mr. Garrison: "Oh stop!  That movie was terrible!"

111_crimes.wav(33K) 111_crimes.mp3(33K)

: "For crimes against this country, you are hereby sentenced to be..."

111_cruise.wav(67K) 111_cruise.mp3(67K)

Stan: "I can't afford a cruise, dude!"

111_damnittohell.wav(147K) 111_damnittohell.mp3(147K)

Mr. Garrison: "Damn this beautiful face of mine, damn it to hell!"

111_deadanimal.wav(54K) 111_deadanimal.mp3(54K)

: "Oh, why, its a dead animal!  Thank you Wendy!"

111_depends.wav(34K) 111_depends.mp3(34K)

Wendy: "When someone gets as old as you, do they have to wear Depends undergarments?"

111_detergent.wav(73K) 111_detergent.mp3(73K)

Chef: "...Crazy cracker's always leaving their laundry detergent all over the place."

111_die.wav(114K) 111_die.mp3(114K)

: "Oh, Wendy, you wore black leather too... we're like sisters!"

111_dinneronme.wav(85K) 111_dinneronme.mp3(85K)

: "The person who scored the highest on the test and gets to have dinner on me... is..."

111_domyjob.wav(64K) 111_domyjob.mp3(64K)

: "Fine Chef, just let me do my job before I get fired."

111_eltonjohn.wav(56K) 111_eltonjohn.mp3(56K)

Cartman: "Wow, Wendy looks just like that chick from Grease, Elton John."

111_entiremovie.wav(50K) 111_entiremovie.mp3(50K)

Mr. Garrison: "Waited through the entire movie to find out the alien was her bleep damned father."

111_erasers.wav(93K) 111_erasers.mp3(93K)

: "Would anyone mind cleaning my erasers after class?"

111_eringray.wav(160K) 111_eringray.mp3(160K)

Chef: "Or is she Erin Gray in the 2nd season of Buck Rodgers beautiful?"

111_every...wav(84K) 111_every...mp3(84K)

: "Down, down!  Everybody down!"

111_ewwww.wav(86K) 111_ewwww.mp3(86K)

Stan: "Stan has a bit of gastrointestinal problems near Wendy..."

111_excuseme.wav(17K) 111_excuseme.mp3(17K)

Stan: "Are we making love now?"

111_fatte...wav(25K) 111_fatte...mp3(25K)

Stan: "No, you're a fatter lesbian then me."

111_fewhundred.wav(53K) 111_fewhundred.mp3(53K)

: "Hey, that's the life of a model, bay-bee."

111_freak.wav(222K) 111_freak.mp3(222K)

Wendy: "No I'm not acting like a FREAK!"

111_friends.wav(53K) 111_friends.mp3(53K)

: "Stan, I'm your teacher, we're only friends."

111_garri...wav(72K) 111_garri...mp3(72K)

Stan: "Oh, no, Mr. Garrison's back!"

111_grandma.wav(53K) 111_grandma.mp3(53K)

Principal Victoria: "We just got a call in the office... your grandmother just died."

111_greatparty.wav(37K) 111_greatparty.mp3(37K)

: "Great party Wendy."

111_hakeem.wav(84K) 111_hakeem.mp3(84K)

: "This woman is a traitor to our government..."

111_herpes.wav(50K) 111_herpes.mp3(50K)

Mr. Garrison: "I didn't want people at school to know, so I told them I had herpes."

111_heterosexual.wav(47K) 111_heterosexual.mp3(47K)

Chef: "In other words children, she's not a member of the heterosexual persuasion."

111_histan.wav(71K) 111_histan.mp3(71K)

Wendy: "Wendy needs to raise her voice to be heard..."

111_hotandsexy.wav(64K) 111_hotandsexy.mp3(64K)

Mr. Garrison: "Being hot and sexy is fun for a while, but it sure does get boring."

111_howdoilook.wav(40K) 111_howdoilook.mp3(40K)

Mr. Garrison: "I feel weak... how do I look?"

111_imchef.wav(50K) 111_imchef.mp3(50K)

Chef: "Oh, hello... I'm Chef!"

111_immature.wav(20K) 111_immature.mp3(20K)

: "You guys are so immature, you act like eight year olds."

111_iraqi...wav(40K) 111_iraqi...mp3(40K)

Stan: "Wow, I can't believe Ms. Ellen was a criminal Iraqi fugitive."

111_irony.wav(36K) 111_irony.mp3(36K)

Wendy: "Wow, what incredible irony."

111_killedkenny.wav(611K) 111_killedkenny.mp3(611K)

Stan: "Oh my god, she killed Kenny!"
Kyle: "You bastard!"

111_kinglesbian.wav(18K) 111_kinglesbian.mp3(18K)

Kyle: "Screw you guys, I'm King Lesbian."

111_kissingass.wav(41K) 111_kissingass.mp3(41K)

Cartman: "I'm not kissing ass, you stupid slut."

111_ladykiller.wav(50K) 111_ladykiller.mp3(50K)

Mr. Garrison: "I'm a lady killer, Mr. Hat!"

111_leaveoff.wav(77K) 111_leaveoff.mp3(77K)

Cartman: "We were learning about how Yasmine Bleeth was going with that Richard Greico guy..."

111_leftarm.wav(101K) 111_leftarm.mp3(101K)

Chef: "You know what they say about women with one arm longer then the other."

111_lesbianstoo.wav(57K) 111_lesbianstoo.mp3(57K)

Stan: "...all we have to do is become lesbians too!"

111_lickcarpet.wav(37K) 111_lickcarpet.mp3(37K)

Cartman: "My mom said, that if you want to become a lesbian, you have to lick carpet."

111_losergift.wav(41K) 111_losergift.mp3(41K)

Stan: "*Cough* Loser gift, loser gift. *Cough*"

111_lovesong.wav(398K) 111_lovesong.mp3(398K)

Wendy: "Wendy's little love song about Stan..."

111_makarakesh.wav(41K) 111_makarakesh.mp3(41K)

: "Here is a black and white photo of Ms. Ellen with our leader."

111_makeover.wav(25K) 111_makeover.mp3(25K)

Wendy: "Bebe, I need a makeover."

111_makinglove.wav(193K) 111_makinglove.mp3(193K)

Stan: "You have to make love down by the fire, that's what Chef said..."

111_meandstan.wav(92K) 111_meandstan.mp3(92K)

: "Wendy, there's nothing between me and Stan."

111_means...wav(48K) 111_means...mp3(48K)

Wendy: "That mean old substitute isn't going to stop until she takes everything from me, Bebe."

111_mole.wav(70K) 111_mole.mp3(70K)

Wendy: "Well, did you notice the mole on the back of her neck with the hair growing out of it?"

111_monkey.wav(228K) 111_monkey.mp3(228K)

: "Yeah man, someone's got to pull this monkey out of Wendy's ass."

111_movinin.wav(29K) 111_movinin.mp3(29K)

Cartman: "Uh-oh, Chef's moving in on Ms. Ellen."

111_msellenintro.wav(148K) 111_msellenintro.mp3(148K)

: "Principal Victoria introduces the new substitute to the kids..."

111_multi...wav(14K) 111_multi...mp3(14K)

Cartman: "What's a multiplication table?"

111_norespect.wav(81K) 111_norespect.mp3(81K)

Kyle: "We don't have respect for Mr. Garrison."

111_noseiwant.wav(85K) 111_noseiwant.mp3(85K)

Mr. Garrison: "Wow, that's it!  That's the nose I want."

111_nosejob.wav(39K) 111_nosejob.mp3(39K)

Mr. Garrison: "Wow, that's a pretty good nosejob."

111_ohcool.wav(26K) 111_ohcool.mp3(26K)

: "We will take her back to Iraq immediately."

111_ohhi.wav(20K) 111_ohhi.mp3(20K)

Stan: "Oh... hi, Wendy."

111_other...wav(57K) 111_other...mp3(57K)

Chef: "All you need to know is Ms. Ellen is a lesbians and that means she only likes other lesbians."

111_plebian.wav(66K) 111_plebian.mp3(66K)

Kyle: "A plebian!?"

111_psycho.wav(260K) 111_psycho.mp3(260K)

Wendy: "Don't bleep with me! You herad me!  Stay away from my man, bitch..."

111_puke.wav(5K) 111_puke.mp3(5K)

Stan: "Stan loses his lunch..."

111_quart...wav(69K) 111_quart...mp3(69K)

Cartman: "My grandma was just Irish, and my grandpa was lesbian, that makes me a quarter lesbian."

111_ragin...wav(84K) 111_ragin...mp3(84K)

Stan: "I can't wait for Ms. Ellen to see what a raging lesbian I am."

111_rightteam.wav(31K) 111_rightteam.mp3(31K)

Chef: "Children, Ms. Ellen doesn't exactly play for the right team."

111_risks.wav(120K) 111_risks.mp3(120K)

: "...so terrifyingly hungry that you are forced to live in the sewers, only emerging at at night..."

111_sausage.wav(74K) 111_sausage.mp3(74K)

: "Oh, thank you very much Kenny.  This is a very scrumptious looking sausage."

111_saveyourself.wav(69K) 111_saveyourself.mp3(69K)

Mr. Garrison: "Mr. Hat!  Save yourself!"

111_sayagain.wav(35K) 111_sayagain.mp3(35K)

Kenny: "Mmmmph mmm mmm mpphf!"
Stan: "You can say that again!"

111_screw...wav(123K) 111_screw...mp3(123K)

Mr. Garrison: "I've decided to quit teaching and do what I've always dreamed of doing..."

111_shado...wav(274K) 111_shado...mp3(274K)

Mr. Garrison: "(Mr. Garrison struts down the street to his new theme...)"

111_shoebox.wav(83K) 111_shoebox.mp3(83K)

Wendy: "It's time to whip out the eclipse shoeboxes!"

111_shutup.wav(64K) 111_shutup.mp3(64K)

: ""Ms. Ellen pleads for her life before being launched into the sun."

111_smack.wav(48K) 111_smack.mp3(48K)

Mr. Garrison: "Oh boy, I'm going to need some more smack."

111_solongsub.wav(78K) 111_solongsub.mp3(78K)

Wendy: "Don't let the door hit your ass on the way out now!"

111_sorry.wav(43K) 111_sorry.mp3(43K)

Wendy: "It's ok Stan... everything's going to be... okay!"

111_stanpukes1.wav(154K) 111_stanpukes1.mp3(154K)

Kyle: "Dude, you had waffles for breakfast, huh?"

111_stickitin.wav(61K) 111_stickitin.mp3(61K)

Kenny: "Did you stick it in..."

111_strange.wav(42K) 111_strange.mp3(42K)

Kyle: "I've been thinking Wendy... this whole outcome is pretty strange."

111_sweetlove.wav(28K) 111_sweetlove.mp3(28K)

Cartman: "Chef's going to make sweet love to Ms. Ellen."

111_takeheraway.wav(74K) 111_takeheraway.mp3(74K)

Principal Victoria: "Well Ms. Makarakesh, you certainly tried to put one over on us, boy howdy!"

111_teargas.wav(24K) 111_teargas.mp3(24K)

Principal Victoria: "If they get out of control, just use this teargas, ok?"

111_whatever.wav(32K) 111_whatever.mp3(32K)

Wendy: "Stan, we're still Valentines, right?"

111_whatsup.wav(52K) 111_whatsup.mp3(52K)

Wendy: "Hi guys, what's up?"

111_willyoustay.wav(43K) 111_willyoustay.mp3(43K)

Principal Victoria: "Much to Wendy's dismay, Principal Victoria asks Ms. Ellen to stay."

111_wish.wav(17K) 111_wish.mp3(17K)

Cartman: "Oh, man, I wish I knew how to spell!"

111_yep.wav(16K) 111_yep.mp3(16K)

Stan: "We've got to learn how to do this dude."
Kyle: "Yep!"