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Marge: "So, do you think I have a case?"
Lawyer: "Mrs. Simpson, you're in luck! Your sexual harassment suit is just the thing I need to rebuild my shattered practice."

Patty: "Any questions?"
Otto: "Yeah, one: Have you always been a chick? I mean, I don't want to offend you, but you WERE born a man, weren't you? You can tell me... I'm open-minded."

Chorus sings: "Hens love roosters, geese love ganders, everyone else loves Ned Flanders..."
Homer: "Not me!"
Chorus: "Everyone who counts loves Ned Flanders..."

???: "First, the award for the alumnus who's gained the most weight: Homer Simpson!"
Homer: "Oh my God!"
???: "How did you do it, Homer?"
Homer: "I discovered a meal between breakfast and brunch."

???: "There's more than one way to get high, baby."

Doctor: "Mrs. Simpson, I'm afraid your husband is dead."
Marge: "(gasps)"
Doctor: "(laughs) April fooled! He's very much alive, although I'm afraid he may never walk again."

Sideshow Bob: "I'll be back. You can't keep the Democrats out of the White House forever... and when they get in, I'm back on the streets... with all my criminal buddies! Bah ha ha ha ha..."

Owner of the Shelbyville Power Plant: "Thank you, Homer, for saving my plant. With that... (shouts) Is the other driving? Do you even know which button you pushed?"
Homer: "Sure, Moe.""
Computer: "Crisis has been averted. Everything is super."

Marge: "It's for your own safety...""
Bully 1: "Take that, safety boy!"
Bully 2: "This padding's so easy on the knuckles, I could punch all day!"
Bart: "Uuuh."

: "Well Homer, I guess you're the winner by default."
Homer: "Default? Woo hoo! Default: the two sweetest words in the English language... de fault, de fault, de fault" (punching sounds)"

Abe: "All right, I admit it: I am the Lindberg baby! Wah! Wah! Goo goo! I miss my fly-fly dah-dah!"
: "Are you trying to stall us, or are you just senile?"
Abe: "A little from column A, a little from column B..."

Abe: "Hello, beautful..."
Lunch Lady Doris: "In your dreams..."
Abe: "We'll see about that..."

Flanders: "I got family here from around the globe! Here's Jose Flanders..."
Jose: "Buenos ding-dong-diddily-dias, senor..."
Flanders: "And this is Lord Thistlewick Flanders..."
Thistlewick: "Charmed... eh, a googily, googily."

Ralph: "Um, Miss Hoover?"
Ms. Hoover: "Yes Ralph, what is it?"
Ralph: "My worm went in my mouth, and then I ate it. Can I have a new one?"
Ms. Hoover: "No Ralph, there aren't any more. Just try to sleep while the other children are learning."
Ralph: "Oh boy, sleep! That's where I'm a Viking!"

Woman: "Is it true that we have to bring our own water?"
Homer: "We got a little rule back home: If it's brown, drink it down. If it's black, send it back."

Chief Wiggum: "Cuff 'em boys, we're puttin' this dirtbag away."
Snake: "Hah! I'll be back on the streets in 24 hours."
Chief Wiggum: "We'll try to make it 12."

Professor Frink: "Here is an ordinary square..."
Chief Wiggum: "Whoa, whoa... slow down, egghead!"

Apu: "Slap on your bullet-proof vest, Sanji, it's time for another bank run."
Sanji: "Alright, but if I don't make it, promise you won't sleep with my wife."
Apu: "I promise nothing!"

Dealer: "19"
Homer: "Hit me"
Dealer: "20"
Homer: "Hit me"
Dealer: "21"
Homer: "Hit me"
Dealer: "22"
Homer: "Doh!"

Woman: "(smack, spank, whack) Oh, God!"
Homer: "He he he... call me daddy"

Willy: "Don't feel bad fer losin' - I was wrestlin' wolves back when you were at your mother's teat!"

Radio announcer: "KFSL - Fossil, 103. Classic hits from Abba to Zepplin. Come a-lead"

Troy McClure: "She left a video will, so I earn my fee simply by pressing this 'Play' button! Pretty sweet, eh?"

Apu: "Yes I'm sorry, I do not speak English. Ok."
Woman: "But, you were just talking..."
Apu: "Yes, yes, hot dog, hot dog, yes sir, no sir, maybe ok."

Lunch Lady Doris: "They've even got Groundskeeper Willy teaching French..."
Willy: "Bonjourrrrrrrrrrrrrr, ya cheese-eatin' surrender-monkeys!"

Beano: "Now bring me a wine spritzer, and don't be stingy with the vino!"

Nelson: "Ha ha"
Parrot: "(squawk) Ha ha (whistle)"

Billy Corrigan (of the Smashing Pumpkins): "Oh man, Homer wussed out... I'm so disappointed."

Patrick Stewart: "Now let's all get drunk and play ping pong!"

Homer: "Ooh! Erotic cake..."

Lunch lady Doris: "More testicles mean more iron"

Miss Springfield: "Gentlemen, start your whacking!"

Troy: "Hello everybody! I'm Troy McClure"

McBain: "Oh, stop talking crazy..."

Mulder: "Agents Mulder and Scully, FBI."

Mulder: "The truth is out there!"

Ned: "What do you think, reverend?"
Reverend: "Once something's been approved by the government, it's no longer immoral."

Martin: "Team discovery channel"
Nelson: "Hmm... Your wussiness better come in handy..."

Nelson: "Ah, jeez. I never hang out with him... normally"
Martin: "(sings) Hark."