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Chief Wiggum: "Cuff 'em boys, we're puttin' this dirtbag away."
Snake: "Hah! I'll be back on the streets in 24 hours."
Chief Wiggum: "We'll try to make it 12."

Professor Frink: "Here is an ordinary square..."
Chief Wiggum: "Whoa, whoa... slow down, egghead!"

Chief Wiggum: "Ok folks, show's over... Nothing to see here... Show's OH MY GOD! A horrible plane crash! Hey everybody, get a load of this flaming wreckage! Come on, crowd around, crowd around, don't be shy, crowd around!"

Chief Wiggum: "Do not be alarmed... continue swimming naked... aw, come on! Continue! Awwww..."

Chief Wiggums: "Think you can get this car home?"
Barney: "Sure thing, giant beer!"

Chief Wiggum: "Ah, just get one of those inflatable women. But make sure it's a woman though, cuz' one time I... heh..."

Chief Wiggums: "Ah, no, you got the wrong number... This is 9-1-2."

Chief Wiggum: "Sure we'll help you. Just sit down and wait for Detective Like-I-Give-A-Damn!"

Chief Wiggum: "This is Wiggum reporting a 318 - waking a police officer."

Chief Wiggum: "Look alive boys, couple of stewed prunes heading your way."